Is my latest cancer update good news or bad news? To be sure, in many ways, it’s good news. Probably very good news. And yet, it’s hard not to feel something like the father who said to Jesus, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Except that, of course, it’s not the father and his son, but me and myself.
Sometimes I wonder, is there anybody here but me? The world’s such a big place. And there are so many people. And yet, it can also feel so alone. In a similar way, we Christians believe in such a big God. He’s everywhere, we believe. And yet, sometimes it can feel so alone. Does that mean God’s not as big as we think? Or that He maybe doesn’t even exist?
We Christians always say things happen for a reason. And that God’s in control. However, when those things happen to us, do we live like we really believe it? We also say God’s always with us. Even in the bad times. And so, I believe God remembers my cancer situation. But, do I remember God?
Life with cancer – from patience to trust and hope. I knew it was going to happen. The only question was when. After prostate removal, the biopsy showed my cancer was more aggressive than previous biopsies indicated. It also showed more cancer than what was expected. Finally, it also showed what’s known as cancer cells on both margins. That means there were cancer cells on both ends of what was removed. With all that, the chances of total removal were pretty much zero. And so, it was a question of waiting for what was nearly inevitable. The inevitable happened.
Is COVID making us more loving? Or more hating? That question came to mind when I first wrote this in August 2020. But now, in January 2022, I must change the question to Why doesn’t the COVID pandemic make people more loving? It’s sad to do that. And I know that in some cases it does make people more loving. But I can’t help but wonder, why doesn’t it happen to a much larger extent?
So, it begins again. I started active surveillance for prostate cancer early in 2020. Now, two years later, after surgery for removal became necessary, I’m in active surveillance for cancer again. We’ll get to how that happened in a moment. For today though, after going from surveillance to surgery and back to active surveillance, I can’t help but think about the guy in Mark’s Gospel who asked Jesus, “help me overcome my unbelief”.
Never will I leave you or forsake you. I suppose pretty much every Christians knows that line. But do we believe God will never forsake us and do we live like we believe it?
I can't believe it's been three plus months since the last time I wrote anything here. It's not like I haven't done anything. Or don't have anything to write. For those Garth Brooks fans out there, I was just listening to Much too young. That probably describes why there's been nothing here. lately.
For I have put my trust in You. That would not have been possible if it weren't for things I considered storms. Events that happened that I didn't like at the time. And yet, also events that enabled me to do things that wouldn't have been possible without those storms.
God and me - this life and the next 